In all fairness, I made this a LOT harder on myself than it should have been. I piped the ASCII art logo from screenfetch -L into it’s own file, then copied all of that (using VIM, which was stupid of me) to /etc/issue. I then had to change it by a single character, so my console wasn’t green when I logged in.
I’m quite happy with the results, so I thought I’d share. (I later removed the text at the top. Hated how that looked…)